12 Ways to Give Yourself as a Holiday Gift

Kindness Abstract by CarolsCamera

What if you gave yourself during your holiday celebration? Here's how taking leadership to carry it out, might bring extra holiday zip and happiness for others...

Discover a new talent in a family member you had not realized and praise it when you see it in action. Praise raises the level of serotonin released in the brain. All benefit as they hear your words since it brings well-being to all..

Help with holiday prep and clean-up Holidays take much work and even putting your hands to do dishes, setting the table, decorating or cleaning up gift-wrap brings more joy to all.

Surprise others with acts of kindness These do not cost a cent. Begin to look to see how you can give others a hand and step in to do it. It's the doing that counts.

Sing holiday songs together Music moves the brain waves to bring joy through the pace and rhythm of a joyful tune. Your active involvement with family and friends enhances mood for you and others. If you want to stay in tune, put the instrumental version on in the background. Who knows, you may sound professional! Take it further and go sing for an elderly neighbor!

Write a note to someone who might need it during the holiday. Perhaps sending a note someone in the hospital or a person who has faced a recent crisis will bring them a touch of caring.

Play games with children and teens Games are lots more fun with more players. Ask them for suggestions and follow through even if you are not familiar with Wii, a computer game or a new board game. It's the being a good sport that matters most. Would you agree?

Wrap and give photos from past celebrations Often these bring back happy memories and fun all these years later. Make a gift of one for each member of your family or for friends.

Listen more than talk It's so easy to tell and on top of that to give advice. By listening, we capture the heart of others.

Take on the role of servant Ask yourself "What if I helped to..." With this kind of attitude, it changes the aspect of your holiday celebration. It's a way of humility much needed in our world. Not too surprisingly, others see what you do and pitch in to help. This is the work of Mirror Neurons in action. It also models for children a thoughtful approach to life.

Laugh more Talk over funny happenings of past gatherings. These usually bring tears to the eyes with a rollicking belly laugh. If nothing else, watch a funny comedy together such as, Christmas Vacation.

Volunteer at Soup Kitchen By actively involving yourself to do something to help the less fortunate, it changes your own spirit.

Act on a promise you let go  Because of busyness we can easily let go of promises. Recall one and offer to follow through this holiday season.

Humor - a Lifetime Elixer

"You're a little pill," my hubby exclaimed in exasperation, as he frowned down at our son. Sean, wide-eyed and innocent looked up at his Dad with a smile and quipped "You're an aspirin!"  Sean's quick wit sparks the room any day since it matches the event and rouses a stir.  Do you know people like that?

One of the reasons I enjoy collaborating with Ellen Weber is she draws from natural wit daily.  To see her humorous flashes, check out Dinner Blew Up -- But Not the Deal and you can quickly see how she has ability to laugh at herself, no matter what.  Once when presenting in Puerto Rico, we stayed in a hotel hosting the Miss Universe Pageant.  One morning Ellen was not feeling well so was advised to see the doctor who was on call for contestants.  When Ellen's named was called to see the physician, she tripped on a floodlight wire and fell as she walked to the door. In front of all the contestants waiting there.  She experienced one of the most gregarious belly laughs I have ever witnessed.  Ellen's gifts of wit and banter work well for her as she makes business deals or just engages others as she networks.  If a group we're working with loses steam, Ellen jump-starts the action with a well-timed joke. Ever tried it?

Humor benefits social vitality and personal well-being.  For starters humor:

Enhances workplace culture "More than four decades of study by various researchers confirms some common-sense wisdom: Humor, used skillfully, greases the management wheels. It reduces hostility, deflects criticism, relieves tension, improves morale, and helps communicate difficult messages, Fabio Sala declares in the Harvard Business Review. Sala reminds us that, "the key to the effective use of humor is how it’s deployed. Don’t try to be funny. But do pay closer attention to how you use humor, how others respond to your humor, and the messages you send. It’s all in the telling."

Boosts personal well-being "As you laugh," Ellen Weber shows that "your brain creates enzymes for clear thinking, better learning and adventures brimming over with possibilities in spite of turbulent times."

Bonds people within organizations "Humor can be a cohesive force in organizations--as anyone who's ever traded jokes at the water cooler or laughed over lunch with colleagues understands," Daniel Pink, author of A Whole New Mind, concludes. "Instead of disciplining joke-crackers, as Ford did in the last century, organizations should be seeking them out and treating a sense of humor as an asset. It's time to rescue humor from its status as mere entertainment and recognize it for what it is--a sophisticated and peculiarly human form of intelligence that can't be replicated by computers and that is becoming increasingly valuable in a high concept, high-touch world."

Adds snap to presentations Have you noticed how many presenters can bring humor to ice breakers and the beginning of a slideshow only to forget it soon after as all the boring slides drone on? Keep in mind that humor, to be effective must coincide with the barometric pressure of people in the group. If it falls, be ready to bring in the sunshine.

Strengthens family and friendship bonds Just as Sean and Ellen add zip to family occasions, laughing together helps build bonds and strengthen ties. Sharing laughter is powerful since it adds joy, vitality and resilience. Humor is an effective way to heal resentments, disagreements and hurts. It unites people during difficult times. As I spoke about my dear mother at her funeral, I summed up two of her gifts as follows, "Love and laughter overflow."

What's your current humor gauge?

Rate yourself 1 - 4 in the following areas. 1 Low, 2 Fair 3 Average 4 Excellent

____ Ability to laugh at yourself

____ Can tell joke and keep punchline in tact

____ Enjoy a belly laugh daily

____ Refrains from jokes at other's expense

____ Regularly look for humor to share

____ Can turn circumstance into witty statement

____ Easily gets the meaning of a joke


I still have much growth to go... How about you?

Interestingly, the "brain's right hemisphere plays an essential role in understanding and appreciating humor," psychologist Daniel Pink finds from studying neuroscience research. Incongruity often enters into humor. Not too surprisingly, the brain's logical left side does not deal with surprise and incongruity well, Pink adds.

Humor represents one of the highest forms of human intelligence. "Cognitive abilities required for humor comprehension" according to Shammi and Struss's research, "include abstract reasoning, mental flexibility and working memory -- all are complex, higher mental functions believed to be associated with the frontal lobes."

How might you play a bit with humor's sparkle at your Christmas gathering?

What If You See Yourself as Others See You?

“He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise.” - Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching

Though many of us think we know ourselves better than others, think again. We are not the know-it-alls we think we are, a psychologist at Washington University claims.

Interestingly, we play different roles throughout a day depending on people or situations we encounter. The faces we assume throughout a day generally depend on our responsibilities more than anything else, according to Andrea Matthews. Not too surprisingly, over time we fall into routines for roles in each social context. For instance, think about ways you speak differently to managers and team members than friends or family.

"I think that it's important to really question this knee-jerk reaction that we are our own best experts," Simone Vazire says. While we might be more accurate in assessing our internal barometer such as anxiety, satisfaction or impatience; people who know us well are more proficient at assessing our intellect-related traits such as creativity, problem solving, and intelligence. Even a complete stranger can tell if I am an extrovert or introvert. Agree?

Perhaps we think we have our act together whereas others do not. Here's why...

We judge ourselves differently than others and it causes a disconnect.  These differences can produce disagreement and conflict.  Understanding the psychologocial basis of differences might help solve some negative effects.

We have blind spots about our behaviors. "By soliciting feedback from other people," Sam Gosling notes, "we can learn more about ourselves and how we're coming off. Only by understanding how we're seen can we make sure we're sending the right signals."

We have "dark spots" --things neither we or others realize. These might be unconscious motives, such as ambition that stems from the fact that your parents didn't think you would amount to much.

We reveal our own character as we talk about others. Seeing others positively reveals your own positive traits, Bill Hendrick finds, whereas negative words could show a sign of depression or narcissim.

If you think you're caring and friendly, and your colleagues, friends and family say you do not come across that way, you might pay more attention to your behaviors.

Consider tendencies that affect people around you on the job. Rate yourself in the following areas first. Then, ask at least three colleagues to complete it anonymously and compare results.

1. Not evidenced 2. Average evidence 3. Above average evidence 4. Outstanding evidence

____ Motivated
____ Recognizes others
____ Open to feedback
____ Timely contributions
____ Goal setter
____ Creative input
____ Inspires others
____ Decisive
____ Changes quickly when need arises
____ In Touch with Reality
____ Has People Smarts
____ Learner
____ Open-minded
____ Listens and hears

Thoughts?

Actions or Intentions?

Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work. Peter Drucker

Ever developed a great action plan and didn't follow through after a training session?  If you are like me, a motivational speaker can pump my juices.  Our intentions to implement the plan soar to a peak.  But what does it take to follow through? 

7 Road bumps that prevent follow-through  

1. New concepts lost if not acted upon When a coach leaves after a concentrated training session, people's urgent tasks cry for attention. Tasks usurp focus so that newly learned information can easily spill out of the brain's working memory. Three or four fresh details fill the working memory's temporary storage capacity.  When learning is fresh it works well to take immediate action to begin using it.

2. Should do When a person says she should do the first step in an action plan, the words do not reflect immediacy so it can be set aside for long periods of time and perhaps abandoned. Margaret Meloni lists three levels of intention revealed through words used.

• Level One: I should or I need – This indicates recognition of or a desire to make a change or take an action, but is not an action plan. 

• Level Two: I want or I am going to – Now the talk about a change or action is being transformed into a plan, it may make the top of the to-do list.

• Level Three: I am – A clear statement of intention reflecting action and ownership for the results. This is the execution and this is where an intention becomes a reality.

3. Fear stands in the way  If fear creates a barrier between where you are now and where you want to be Carolyn Rubenstein suggests you ask WHY.  When you get to the bottom of your fear, you can face it and take the bold action needed to start the first step of your plan.

4. Boss shuts down ideas "Stubborn bosses treat change as if they have 'cooties,'" Lyn Taylor contends.  "They don't want to touch it, get near it, or handle it themselves unless they initiate the change.  Why?  Many people want to initiate change themselves so they make the work environment uncomfortable for those wanting to follow through with a new action plan. 

Tyrant bosses, want to be right, get the recognition and avoid risks just to maintain the status quo.  
Taylor offers these solutions:

Choose your words carefully  To get better footing, Taylor suggests you use positive language to relax your boss when he's stuck in a rut. Words of affirmation will calm him," and thus release serotonin, a brain chemical of well being. 

Offer choices and compromises that empower your "Terrible Old Tyrant." Rather than asking questions that lead to yes/no answers, offer your boss choices. Change "Can we end the meeting early today?" to "Should we end at 4:00 or 4:30?" That gives your boss decision making power.

Align your needs with boss's - "Remind your boss how your ideas reinforce her larger objectives," Taylor suggests. Keep showing that you are on the same page.

5. Procrastination Everyone has things they want to do, but can't seem to start the first step.  So what's the answer to this foot dragging?   Jane B. Burka and Lenora M. Yuen suggest that you put together an "unschedule", a chart of your time that is already taken, as a way to see how much time you really have left for your goals.

Since you did not start this habit yesterday, it is deeply embedded in your brain's basal ganglia. The more you do an action, the more your brain has rewired dendrite brain cells for repeating the same action.  Good news is that human brain has great plasticity and can rewire for a new approach. So each time you start early and accomplish a task the more this new pattern will be rewired in your brain's memory bank - the basal ganglia.

Burka and Yeun suggest how to develop better work habits methodically, one step at a time. They recommend starting a 2-week program right away using varied strategies.  Here are some they list:

• Avoid perfectionism
• Be specific
• Make goals that are observable
• Take small steps
• Reward yourself!

Add some sure fire strategies of your own so you get started today.

6. Lack of Focus Stifles Follow-through "Those leaders who lack the focus and attention to detail needed to apply leverage and resources in an aggressive and committed fashion will perish," Mike Myatt observes. "Leaders who do not possess a bias toward action, or who cannot deliver on their obligations will not be successful. Leadership is about performance…Intentions must be aligned with results for leaders to be effective."

If a leader is easily distracted during a coaching session, she misses some of the detail. Since the human brain is easily bored, Ellen Weber explains why "you might think other people or work bore you and that is why you are not getting ahead." It is a myth. "Reality," according to Weber, "is that boredom is more a habit formed in brains, and shaped by your choices."

7. Innovation is rhetoric rather than reality  When people inside large organizations were asked to describe their corporate innovation system, almost none could do it, Gary Hamel discovered. " When asked if innovation is rhetoric rather than reality, they said, overwhelmingly, 'It's rhetoric. We don't see the reality.'"

One explanation for this is that top management is paying lip service to innovation, according to Gary Hamel. "But another -- and far more likely -- explanation is that senior leaders do not have a clear, well-developed model of what innovation looks like as an organizational capability. And since they don't know what it looks like, they don't know how to build it." One reason is that they focus just on products and services. And, second, many organizations "devote much more energy to optimizing what is there than to imagining what could be. Hamel's answer is that "we need to create constituencies for "What Could Be."

A way past the rhetoric, is to unleash the passion for innovation company-wide. That is taking the first step!

What would you suggest to insure intentions are acted upon quickly to create fresh realities?