What If You See Yourself as Others See You?

“He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise.” - Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching

Though many of us think we know ourselves better than others, think again. We are not the know-it-alls we think we are, a psychologist at Washington University claims.

Interestingly, we play different roles throughout a day depending on people or situations we encounter. The faces we assume throughout a day generally depend on our responsibilities more than anything else, according to Andrea Matthews. Not too surprisingly, over time we fall into routines for roles in each social context. For instance, think about ways you speak differently to managers and team members than friends or family.

"I think that it's important to really question this knee-jerk reaction that we are our own best experts," Simone Vazire says. While we might be more accurate in assessing our internal barometer such as anxiety, satisfaction or impatience; people who know us well are more proficient at assessing our intellect-related traits such as creativity, problem solving, and intelligence. Even a complete stranger can tell if I am an extrovert or introvert. Agree?

Perhaps we think we have our act together whereas others do not. Here's why...

We judge ourselves differently than others and it causes a disconnect.  These differences can produce disagreement and conflict.  Understanding the psychologocial basis of differences might help solve some negative effects.

We have blind spots about our behaviors. "By soliciting feedback from other people," Sam Gosling notes, "we can learn more about ourselves and how we're coming off. Only by understanding how we're seen can we make sure we're sending the right signals."

We have "dark spots" --things neither we or others realize. These might be unconscious motives, such as ambition that stems from the fact that your parents didn't think you would amount to much.

We reveal our own character as we talk about others. Seeing others positively reveals your own positive traits, Bill Hendrick finds, whereas negative words could show a sign of depression or narcissim.

If you think you're caring and friendly, and your colleagues, friends and family say you do not come across that way, you might pay more attention to your behaviors.

Consider tendencies that affect people around you on the job. Rate yourself in the following areas first. Then, ask at least three colleagues to complete it anonymously and compare results.

1. Not evidenced 2. Average evidence 3. Above average evidence 4. Outstanding evidence

____ Motivated
____ Recognizes others
____ Open to feedback
____ Timely contributions
____ Goal setter
____ Creative input
____ Inspires others
____ Decisive
____ Changes quickly when need arises
____ In Touch with Reality
____ Has People Smarts
____ Learner
____ Open-minded
____ Listens and hears

Thoughts?